When you drink enough, it all starts to make sense...

"An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools." - Ernest Hemingway

"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on." - Dean Martin

"Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time." - Catherine Zandonella

"Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truely gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat hairy girls." - Ross Levy

"Work is the curse of the drinking classes." - Oscar Wilde

"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading." - Henny Youngman

"Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life." - Anonymous

"24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?" - Stephen Wright

"When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go to heaven..." - O'Rourke

"Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." - Benjamin Franklin "If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer shoot out your nose." - Jack Handy

"I drink to make other people interesting." - George Jean Nathan

"All right brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer." - Homer Simpson

"Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance." - Plato (427?-347? BC)

"Plato was a bore." - Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal." - Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

"I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy". - Ernest Hemingway (1889-1961)

"Hemingway was a jerk." - Harold Robbins