No joy from the rubber walnut PDF Print E-mail
User Rating: / 0
PoorBest 
Drink Cool | Drunk Tales
Written by Jamie Hickman   
Please help Barman Guide spread the word ...
Technorati Mr. Wong Stumble It! Diigo BlinkList Reddit Del.icio.us; Digg This!

"I'm just off for a piss!"

 

tales of drunkeness

I
had to yell right in Helen's ear to be heard above the pounding music. I stood up, pushed away from the wall and wobbled towards the bog on hot rubber legs.

 

My eyes felt like footballs, I couldn't stopped gritting my teeth and the cooling sweat on my clothes made them feel like lettuce leaves. By the door to the bog I slowly turned round and through the mass of twitching, agitated bodies, caught quick glimpses of Hell; eyes shut, nodding loosely, burning cigarette ignored in her jerking hand.

 

Into the bogs, though the wedge of jolting, haggling teenagers crowding the sinks; buying or swallowing or talking shite or inspecting their fishbelly faces and bulging eyes in the mirrors, each one moving all or part of their bodies to the music made bigger and harsher in the ceramic box.

 

I stood in front of the urinal with my d*ck in my hand, a rubber walnut refusing to work as my jaw swiveled and chomped and my head seemed full of helium. I focused on a piece of picked-off sticker on the wall, thought about pissing, relief, waterfalls, then fell into it as my eyes rolled with a wave of numbness pouring down my skull. I forgot about the piss and just leant against the cool tiles.

 

"Just like that, Bruv! "

 

"Eh?" I didn't even try to look up.

 

"Innit?"

 

I refocused, let out a long breath and turned to see a fishbelly face under a green Kangol hat, wet savant grin and pupils like tea-plates. He'd been there ages too. Smiling, I rocked back on my heels, stuffed the unused rubber walnut back into my sweaty flies, nodded to the Kangol and lurched back to Helen.

 

Give it an hour or so, eh?


blog comments powered by Disqus

 

Drink Cool

Love, Hate, Cigarettes...
10/12/2008 | Chris J.
article thumbnail

Is a ban on public smoking really the answer?  


The Witty Barman's guide
11/12/2008 | Adam Bulger
article thumbnail

Smart answers to stupid drinks...  


More cool stuff

Bar Stars

Somen the Showman
21/01/2009 | Anirvan Chatterjee
article thumbnail

The story behind the founder of Chippendales, Somen Banerjee.  


Maestro of Ministry
10/12/2008 | Mark Koh
article thumbnail

Among the movers and shakers in the local Singapore dance music scene, very few he [ ... ]


Meet the Team

World Venues

Singapore barsThe Penny Black
Cher Tan
article thumbnail

The expatriate heaven that Boat Quay is (SPGs, take note), the first place to stop over would definitely be The Penny Black, hands down, packed to the seams with Caucasians (English? [ ... ]


Singapore barsThe Dubliner Irish Pub
Jeffree Benet
article thumbnail

A nice, quiet pub located a block off Orchard Road, the veranda outside seems to be a nice place to take a date, at least the guy there seemed to be doing reasonably well.  


Singapore barsB.B. Bar (The Bungy Bar)
Adeline Loh
article thumbnail

The cocktail selection here is splendid with 69 different choices.  


Singapore barsBalaclava
Barman Guide
article thumbnail

For executives eschewing a stiff-collar corporate atmosphere, Balaclava would be the apt choice to loosen those neckties.   The bar oozes out an Eastern European feel, contr [ ... ]


Singapore barsSt James Power Station
Mark Koh
article thumbnail

Feel the power? Opening its doors in the last quarter of 2006, St James Power Station is the destination must-go for those in search of a refreshing entertainment complex like none o [ ... ]


Singapore barsPrince of Wales Backpacker's Pub
Cher Tan
article thumbnail

If you fancy going someplace a little left-of-centre, away from the entertainment malls concentrated around town, quite possibly armed with the insidious snow sprays, perhaps you sho [ ... ]


More World Venues

Prague Venues

XT3
11/12/2008 | Barman Guide
article thumbnail

Club XT3 was founded in 1995 on the premises of a former shop and tattoo parlour not far from the centre of Prague in Karlin district. It's now moved to bigger and better digs in Ži [ ... ]


Do they drink a lot in Prague?
26/01/2009 | Casey Coler
article thumbnail

A friend of mine celebrated her 21st birthday in Prague a while back...


Shadow Azyl
11/12/2008 | Barman Guide
article thumbnail

The funky sweet smell and "ty volej!"s hit your nose and ears before you hit the door.  


Novomestky pivovar
11/12/2008 | Jeffree Benet
article thumbnail

If you've got friends visiting, this is a cool place to bring them for some chow...  


The Roxy
11/12/2008 | Alexander Zaitchik
article thumbnail

Roxy has changed a lot since it first opened its doors in 1992.  


U Krale Jiriho
11/12/2008 | Barman Guide
article thumbnail

U Krale Jiriho (King George's) shares the same passageway as the James Joyce but not necessarily the same clientele.  


More Prague Venues

Bartending

Bar ToolsThe Bartender
Joe Bodia
article thumbnail

The bartender is the one person who contributes most to the success of any establishment, or to its failure.   How you treat a customer is one of the determining factors which bri [ ... ]


Bartending Tips10 Top Tips on Making Cocktails
Derek Rogers
article thumbnail

Cocktails are not only savoury to sip but also look exciting and fun to drink; they are perfect for celebrations as they tend to elicit a pleasurable response among drinkers. Fortu [ ... ]


Bartending TipsBe a better bartender in six easy steps
Barman Guide
article thumbnail

6 things a bartender should strive to achieve on every shift...  


More Bartending...

Check out our other sites

Got an itch to see the world? GrooveTravelers.com has lots of inspiring ideas for destinations!.
Cinemalicious.com covers cinematic DVD reviews, plus celebrity profiles and interviews.
Do you relate? LoversandThinkers offers relationship and self awareness tips.

Gashaus - Where the Music Lives

Come check out the best little music website on the net... the Gashaus! What you will find are some insightful CD reviews, band interviews and DJ profiles, music venue reviews and witty takes on what makes the music great. And check out the MP3 Shop link for free MP3s from Amazon.com

We're talking music reviews by some of the wittiest scribes to grace the pages of Think Magazine and then some. We hope you enjoy, and if you'd like to contribute, be sure to email the editor, she loves email!

FashionBrain, Thinkin' About Style

FashionBrain.com is your place for fashion, the latest gadgets and totally cool automotive reviews.